My aim to support others and destroy the stigma attached to mental illness.

If you read my last blog post or follow me on social media, you will know that I jut released a book!
The book starts of telling the story of my dads suicide from my own perspective and then goes onto to the readers how I survived after the suicide. It includes all the ups and downs, the mistakes and things I wish I did different. With some advice to help other readers in similar situations.
The goal of the book is for it to be easily accessible to those who have lost someone to suicide or want to understand more about suicide.
The book is a FREE e-book and it will always be free! You can download it onto any device.
I do however need the help of everyone to get the word out there that my book exists, it really could help someone for the better. So every download, review and share means that we are closer to getting support to even just one person who needs it.

Thank You,

C xx

I wrote a book!

I actually did! This book didn’t take long to write and I am certainly no literary god. However I put all of my heart and soul into this book and it means so much to me. My ultimate goal with this book is for it to reach people that need it, so they don’t feel so alone and unsupported. Please give it a read, it is free! If you could give it a nice review also, I would be forever grateful!

Click here to read my book

The Hottest day of the year.

It’s that time of year again, when the UK hits a heatwave and every single resident of the UK dies a little and the world comes to a stop. Here are a few things that I find are essential to surviving the British Summer.

  • Complain that it is too hot at least 20 times a day.
  • If you are a man, take your shirt off, If you are female wear as few clothes as possible.
  • Pretend to shop in shops with air conditioning.
  • Obnoxiously play with toys in the park, make sure to cause as much disruption as possible.
  • Walk as slow as possible, bonus points if you hold people up.
  • Talk about the sun with everyone you meet, including strangers.
  • Set up a nest in the local pub and drink your weight in ale.
  • Buy a kids pool, sit in it and take loads of selfies.
  • Buy chips, don’t eat them and throw them over the path.
  • Don’t wear sun cream and then complain when your skin burns and peels off.

What else do us Brits do in the heat, that drives you crazy?

C xx

Love Island?

If you live in the UK, you will know that recently ITV2 has released this years Love Island, alas I have sold my soul for an hour each night captivated by these aesthetically pleasing humans.
For me it’s more than just the drama that I find interesting. It’s the whole concept of claiming to be a show that helps people find love as well as offer them prize money, it can’t be both, it’s either about the money or about love, the two usually don’t go hand in hand.
These people on this Island have come in with expectations but also the dream of being recognized and getting their big break or getting a nice wad of cash to make up for the time they have taken off work (do they still even have jobs though, I mean holiday pay dosent stretch that far right?). I don’t think the islanders have come onto tv because they are desperate to find love, I mean they are an attractive bunch and we have so many other ways to meet people nowadays.
However saying that, we have all seen TV personalities meat on a show and go on to have a short relationship, sometimes and very rarely marriage.
BUT I AM SO HOOKED, this pointless show has somehow struck a cord and I can’t get enough. Sure enough at 9pm every night I’m trying to find out who will end up with who, who will make the cutest babies etc. I’m totally supporting Camilla though.

Maybe I am wrong and maybe it is all about love, only time will tell..

What are your views?

C xx

Take a risk.

I was talking to a close friend of mine today, he has an opportunity which may be very rewarding however he is scared it wont be worth the risk and will lose what he already has.
I can completely understand this, sometimes its so easy to play it safe and stick in your comfort zone, however as someone who wants to achieve something more with my life, I have learnt that risks are often the better route.
But what is the best option? Be safe like my friend or risky like me?
I think first you need to assess the situation, what exactly are you getting from this risk, what are the possible falls? How do you feel about it and will it damage your mental health?
Sometimes the initial jump is the only scary part, its the fear of the unknown. Though I believe that fate has its way and if it is meant to be, everything wall fall into place.
For example, I once took a job as an apprentice, low waged and only temporary, meaning in a year I would be jobless, however an opportunity came up for a job in the building, I decided to take the interview and see what happens. I didn’t do the best in the interview however the person who did better, didn’t want the job so they offered it to me. I ended up taking the job and loving the role itself, though the management was the worst I have ever experienced.
So with that in mind, was that a risk that was worth taking? considering I quit the job anyway? I think it was as it opened a world of new opportunities for me, but some may see it as a loss.
At the end of the day, do what feel right, follow your instincts and don’t regret a single decision you make, bad choices are lessons and the good well, make you happy I suppose.
So what are your thoughts on taking risks? 

C xx

Being a stay at home wife

Hi All! Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve not felt inspired!

So in this post I wanted to talk about what it’s like being a stay at home wife, with no kids! Yes it is a real thing and yes that is currently what I am, except I hate using the word Housewife, it sounds so… wrong for the modern world!

Sounds like heaven though dosent it? You can wake up whenever you want, set your own hours and do as much or little as you want to do. In all honestly the first few months are great, especially after quitting a mentally draining job.

However, I find that after a while you disconnect from the world, you have all this free time but your friends and family don’t, the dream world of married woman all meeting for lunch every day isn’t a reality, at least not where I am from.

So how do you keep your brain from shutting down, after all you want to keep your energy and motivation incase you go back to work or have your own children.
For me it took me a good 6 months of being miserable and bored before I decided to make a change, I go to the point that all I did was clean and wait for my husband to come home, that is not living.

I already had an interest in YouTube so I have upped my game with it, though I don’t seem to be gaining subscribers, I am creating more content and thinking of more cool ideas of things to do, it does wonders for getting my brain cogs moving and also for my confidence.

I’m trying to apply myself to things that I need to get done, for example, I’ve put off driving for 4 years, so for the last few days I have been practicing theory tests and will do until I get full marks and then I shall book the test and start driving. I also have been reading Jane Eyre as I will be studying it in my part time course in September, so why not get ahead.

I’ve gone to the doctors and expressed my concerns for my mental health and along side their ‘half assed’ support, I have taken things into my own hands and tried to get out my comfort zone, saying yest to more things and making an effort with friends, like talking to people that I have drifted from.

I really feel that having all this free time is a gift, so long as we use it wisely! Think of all those things you said you would do if you had more time and do them.

C xx

Why I hate Bank Holidays

In the UK we get these wondrous special days off work each year, called ‘Bank Holidays’. 

The idea itself is great, you get a three day weekend to do whatever you want, however I personally am not a fan of them and here is why…

  1. If you work in retail, you probably wont get the day off and instead will spend the day being overworked and extremely jealous of the idea of a three day weekend and wounder if you will ever have such an experience which isn’t taken as paid/unpaid holiday, sadly though having one weekend off a month is rare in retail.
  2. If you need a doctors appointment or need to make important calls, chances are that they will be closed, meaning you have to wait three days before you can get anything sorted out.
  3. Bank Holidays always mean that every single pub, restaurant, beach and park is crowded to the brim and in the summer, it means most of them are topless, which is not the best sight to see.
  4. As people like to go away for a short trip away on bank holidays, it means that travelling is going to take twice as long and can mean stupidly long ques on the motor way.
  5. Bank Holiday Monday usually means that if a shop is open, then it will be Sunday opening hours and will shut by 4pm, this is stupidly annoying if you run out of milk etc.
  6. Fancy a takeout? Think again, you’ll be waiting a very long time for your takeout and in my experience, busy takeouts means a that the food is rushed and not as good quality and the last thing you want to do is to spend the day on the loo!

What are your least favorite things about Bank Holidays, I’d love to hear from you!

C xx

We are humans so lets start acting humane.

Our earth is a beautiful planet, full of adventure, love and life. 
Our lives are precious gifts in which we can use to experience our beautiful earth.

However we now live in a world full of hatred and abuse. We abuse our environment,  religion, love and ourselves. Yet we have no valid reason to do so.

When did we decide that pollution is more important than fresh blue skys.
When did we decided that trash is more important that meadows and beaches.
When did we decided that politics are more important than unity.
When did we decide material objects are more important that generosity.
When did we decide fashion is more important than personality.
When did we decide that weight is more important than the soul.
When did we decide that tests are more important than experience.
When did we decide that faith is more important than people.
When did we decide that opinion is more important than love.

We humans can make a change to be better, to be more loving and accepting.
No one deserves to be bullied, depressed, alone, polluted or murdered. So why do we let it happen?

Take a moment to get to know who you are, think what your flaws are and work on improving on them. Also think of your strengths and find a way to use them to do good.

We are humans so lets start acting humane.  

C xx

What is it like to live with both Anxiety and Depression

If you don’t know me then now is the time to tell you that I have suffered Anxiety and Depression for a many number of years now and I am very open to talking about my experiences over a variety of networks and social media, such as youtube, facebook and twitter. My main goal in life is to spread the word and raise awareness of mental health to destroy as much stigma and replace it with the support we all need.

So what is it like to live with Anxiety and Depression at the same time? After all they are the polar opposites. 

  • It’s making plans with your friends as you know you need to get out the house, but making excuses and cancelling because you really don’t want to leave the house.
  • It’s starting to type a message to someone you want to talk to, but deleting the message and hoping somehow they will contact you as you don’t want to annoy them.
  • It’s dialing a number for whatever reason and hanging up before anyone has the chance to answer.
  • It’s making a doctors appointment and either cancelling or not turning up because you feel as though you will be disappointed by the doctor.
  • It’s not knowing if your illness if real or in your head and having to decide if you should leave it or deal with the torture of getting checked out.
  •  It’s ordering things online so you don’t have to go outside, but getting someone else to answer the door because you hate strangers.
  • It’s getting excited to go out, but changing your outfit a million times and getting depressed because you think you will be judged.
  • It’s planning your life months in advance and telling yourself that you have time to get the confidence to do cool things, instead you count down the days finding reasons not to do what you planned.
  • It’s dieting to be healthier and then caving and eating junk food because you feel down.
  • It’s making a promise and instantly feeling bad as you know you will bail one way or another.
  • It’s starting a conversation with an old friend, then killing the conversation because you think they hate you.
  • It’s applying for jobs and then not attending interviews because the idea of actually getting the job and dealing with so many new things is terrifying.
  • It’s telling someone something, then repeating it 20 times because you aren’t sure they heard.
  • It’s going out for outside for one day and then not leaving bed for the next week because its exhausting to be around people.
  • It’s fighting between wanting to get better and avoiding being let down.

Anxiety makes you scared of anything from social situations, to finances, health and your future. 
Depression destroys your energy, enjoyment and motivation. 

Far too many people, like me, struggle with this day to day and we need to start acting to ensure the support is out there to help us live out lives more fully.

C xx

I got ugly? So What?!

Everyone says that your 20s are when you are the most attractive version of yourself, which is complete bullshit for me personally. 

I was a very unattractive child, however as soon as I hit puberty I feel confident to say that I got so much more attractive and I felt so sexy back then, even now I look back on photos and envy my younger self.

As mentioned in my ‘Makup does not define me‘ blog post as I got older I started to feel more confident in myself as I reached adulthood, that does not mean however that my natural self is attractive to makes me feel happy about the way I look.

The fact Is that I am very aware of my appearance as I am a very vain person, I notice every flaw and inch of fat on my body and I can say for a fact that I have got a lot more unattractive since my peak of attractiveness at about 17 years old. I also have noticed a lot less comments of ‘you look so pretty’ and a lot less people trying to flirt with me, which actually isn’t the worst thing (I hate being chatted up).


So yes, to summarize, I ‘got ugly’, woe is me.

But the question is, ‘Do I care?’ and the answer is NOPE, Why? because when you reach a mental level of maturity you realize that appearance is not important in life. You can still get married (I did) and have babies, you can still get a job, you can still move house, you can still travel the world and do whatever you damn well want.

I feel that worrying about looks should be a thing of the past because anyone who judges you for your looks can go bugger off back where they came from because you deserve so much better than that.

C xx